For many, the fear of the confessional often keeps them from experiencing one of the unique gifts the church provides for the faithful: the opportunity to come to grips with the consequences of our decisions and receive the peace only the sacrament of reconciliation can provide.
Father Michael J. Goyette, parochial vicar at St. Bridget University Parish and chaplain of the Neumann House at Rowan University, is a vocal advocate for the active use of confession in the life of a Catholic. He offers some illumination on why we should become more open to the healing power of the confessional.
Why do you think confession is sometimes so difficult?
When you go to confession you have to say your sins. And if you think your sins make you bad and they make you unlovable, you’re going to feel bad. But in confession you have to believe that yes, you sinned, but God still loves you. Nobody likes the cross. It’s hard to stand before God with nothing but your sin and believe that he loves you enough to forgive you. It’s an act of trust in God’s love for you, a leap of faith.
Confession does several things. It makes you humble, because you have to confess your sins. It makes you examine your conscience, because you have to think about your life. And you get extra grace to fight against the sins you confessed.
What’s the connection of confession to mercy?
Mercy is when you feel the suffering of another and that moves you to help them. There are two ways to have mercy. If you love someone, you want to do something about their suffering. You can also feel merciful toward people who’ve been through what you’ve been through. The cross is both of those. Jesus on the cross experienced what the sinner feels, the feeling of being separated from God. That’s why he says, “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?”
Confession connects you to the cross, and the cross is Jesus experiencing your suffering, your feelings of despair, and doing something about it. He’s forgiving the sin that’s causing you the suffering.
What makes a sin “worthy” of confession?
A sin that separates you from God is a mortal sin; it “kills” your relationship with God. You commit a mortal sin when you choose an objective other than God, when you switch goals in life and put something else above him. There are many ways to do that; it doesn’t matter how mundane it is.
The only ways the church has to forgive mortal sins are baptism and confession. God is not limited to the sacraments, but we are.
Some people think that confession is only for forgiving mortal sin. But you should also confess things that you want to work on. When you bring in venial sins you’re bringing things to God to get extra help. We call it “devotional confession,” because it’s not necessary for salvation.
How often should I go to confession?
Once a month is a good estimate; more if you feel you need it. One of the precepts of the church is to go to confession at least once a year.
How many times can you confess the same sin?
If someone sins every week and goes to confession every week, that’s a good thing, because that means they’re still fighting, they’re still trying, they haven’t given up on God. It’s worse to just have given up. As long as you’re sorry and you’re alive you can be forgiven. Death is the only obstacle to forgiveness from sin.
What are a few of your confession tips?
- Use an official guide or list to help you make a good examination of conscience. There could be ways you’ve violated God’s law that you may not even been aware of. You can get a guide from a church or online, or you can ask your pastor. There’s also a good app from the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) – The Catholic Church Mobile App.
- At the end of each day think of five things you could have done better, either where you sinned or where you took the lower pass, chose the lesser choice. If you do that every day you’ll have plenty at confession.
- It’s not recommended that you write stuff down, because people tend to drop those or leave them around. What is good is to bring the examination of conscience in to confession with you if you need help remembering.
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