Perhaps, sometimes God appears to be far away, so much that we may ignore how intimate and profoundly he is connected to our humanity. This weakness in my faith, for a long time, was impeding me to be fully receptive and sensitive to the apparent signs coming from God. I started realizing that my priorities and dreams did not wholly correspond to God’s purpose in my life. In spite of possessing what a regular person may desire today, namely a profitable profession, a job or a high standard of living, I realized something lacked in my heart. I felt I was wasting valuable years of my life on temporary things that did not make me feel spiritually satisfied.
Later on, I felt prompted to cultivate my love for Jesus through the Holy Eucharist. Throughout this time of prayer, I was asking for a response from God. What certainly drew me close to him was his tender comfort at those times in which I attended Eucharistic Adoration. Without words, amid a prayerful atmosphere, just through his tender gaze, God was revealing to me so much about his irrevocable plan.
Also, I started rethinking how gradually God was clearing out my doubts and fears. This little but significant fact led me to the consideration of a divine plan for my life. Then it came to my mind the teaching that a friend said to me: “Anytime ask yourself whether what you are about to do would be done by Jesus in the same way.” Here, I experienced a breaking point in my life since my discernment before God was not strong enough. I first needed to submit myself, even my own will, to his divine project. Only in this way, I would be able to discern whether my desire to the priesthood was something coming from God or not. Finally, I accepted to do what God was intending for me.
Two years ago, when I first came to the United States, I found God was revealing to me his call to the holy ministry through the vibrant company and prayers of the faithful. I do not regret responding to Jesus’ call. Rather, as Saint Paul claimed: “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Phil 1:21). Following Jesus has been the best decision I have ever made. In this way, I embraced the pure and infinite love of God through this beautiful vocation.
Now that I’m finishing my second year of formation at Immaculate Conception Seminary, I express a profound sense of gratitude for all my time in formation. It is the first time in my life in which I can say that I have found the happiness I was looking for. Let us pray that God may clarify his call to those men restless to find the peace of Jesus Christ.
Ricardo Lozano Cruz is finishing his second year of Pre-Theology studies at Immaculate Conception Seminary at Seton Hall University. His home parish is Christ Our Light in Cherry Hill.
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