Praise must be deserved, not merely conferred

A few nights ago, on PBS, I heard a man refer to the fact that many people are lacking in vitamin P, which it turns out refers to “praise.” He explained that a secret of successful management is to dole out this elusive expression of approval to those worthy of its receipt. For maximum benefit, it must be precise, periodic and personal. I thought a great deal about what I had heard and came to several conclusions.

First of all, praise must be deserved, not merely conferred. While some parents are so liberal with admiration for their offspring for the simple act of breathing that these children are convinced that they are superior to most of humanity, others selfishly hoard their praise and rarely if ever offer a word of encouragement to children who try their best to earn a simple gesture of support for their efforts. Surely there are occasions when a pat on the back, a hug or a thumbs up would reassure the child that he is worthy of parental love. This is when the “three p’s” mentioned above come into play. Every child has some special gift or talent, and the periodic reference to that specific talent is a reminder of the personal bond between the individuals.

In church, we speak of praising our Creator, and this is a necessary part of the worship of God. We can extend that worship by recognizing that we are his creations, and because of this we also have an obligation to one another. This can take the form of civility toward one another, including making it a habit of recognizing the achievements of others. It is unlikely that one of our neighbors is going to be the recipient of a Nobel Prize, but if the lady next door has an exceptionally attractive garden, I’m sure she would welcome your comment that you enjoy seeing it when you pass by her front yard.

I recall being in a restaurant and being seated adjacent to a young family with four children, ranging in age from 5 or 6 years old to several months. The parents were completely at ease dining out with their offspring and shared the duties of tending to their needs. In turn, the children ate what was placed in front of them, and they actually conversed with each other and with their parents. The oldest girl helped with the feeding of her siblings. I was so impressed that I stopped on the way out to commend this family on its exemplary comportment. This mother and father seemed genuinely pleased that someone not only noticed their efforts but stopped to comment on what for them was probably routine behavior. I have a feeling that the children are worthy of praise and receive it precisely, periodically, and personally. Surely this family suffers no deficiency of vitamin P.