Patti Infanti remembers participating in Pre-Cana with her late husband, Mike. While he was initially not interested because he didn’t think the couple needed marriage preparation, she recalls being curious about the program, and what it was all about.
Five years later, the then-married couple joined a newly organized Pre-Cana team in their former parish and spent eight years facilitating sessions for engaged couples.
“Having a bit of experience, both Mike and I understood why the Church was adamant about attending Pre-Cana,” she said. “The team stressed several times during our sessions that couples needed to put away the wedding preparations and think and talk about things that might happen after the wedding.”
Infanti, who now serves as pastoral associate at Saint Simon Stock Parish, Berlin, reflected on her marriage preparation experience – both as a participant and through working with other couples – as faithful across the Diocese of Camden celebrated National Marriage Week, Feb. 7-14, and World Marriage Day on Sunday, Feb. 12.
This year’s theme is “Marriage … one flesh, given and received,” and according to the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, it “highlights the one-flesh union of husband and wife that is willed by God.” The theme also recognizes “the personal self-gift of each spouse, one to the other.”
“I think it’s a beautiful and quite accurate concept of the vows taken in marriage,” Infanti said. “It has taken me many years and, in fact, not until very recently to fully understand the concept.”
Her experiences being part of a Pre-Cana team brought her and her husband together with other Catholic couples – leading to great friendships and a dependable support network.
“When times were tough in our early marriage years – and especially after the kids came – it was those friendships that influenced and inspired Mike and I to keep going and not give up when the going got rough,” she said. “I know that being around other Catholic couples had a huge impact. We used to socialize together as couples and as families, and that made us feel that we weren’t in marriage alone. Looking back now, I believe it was God’s way of helping us not give up on each other and our marriage.”
Frank Hanley is the Pre-Cana marriage preparation coordinator at Our Lady of Guadalupe Parish Shrine, Lindenwold. He, too, has seen the power of couples coming together through Pre-Cana and in their parish communities.
“Couples the same age can mentor each other by sharing their life experiences and acknowledging that to have a great marriage takes work and real commitment,” he said. “They can also support younger couples by sharing life experiences as well. They must be willing to be ‘an open book’ by divulging the bad along with the good, and explain how it is possible with prayer and the sacraments to not bring into the marriage the negative actions and behavior patterns learned while growing up.”
Through his experience with Pre-Cana, Hanley has seen how critical it is for couples to understand communication.
“The most important things that couples need to realize and accept are the entirely different communication styles between males and females,” he said. “By learning to be aware of and effectively deal with those differences, they hopefully will – most times – be able to avoid the conflict that often arises from feelings of anger and frustration.”
Another important lesson learned from marriage and Pre-Cana is to learn to accept the things about someone that one might find annoying. “You make the decision to ignore the little things that tick you off when you love and respect the other person,” Infanti said.
Open communication – including honesty about family situations – is also a key component to the success of a Pre-Cana group, and contributes to the benefits for each couple that participates.
“You can’t just throw couples together and expect support to just happen. It takes time to get to know each other,” Infanti said. “I remember how in awe I was of one couple from our Pre-Cana team who celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary and included all of us. They talked about each other and to each other with such respect and love – it showed us how marriage should be, models to show us the way.”
Hanley said that it is important for married couples to have an active prayer life and to frequently receive the sacraments, including the Eucharist and Reconciliation. He said couples must also remember the sacramental nature of marriage, which does not end after the wedding itself.
Infanti agreed, encouraging couples to “invite God into marriage from the beginning.”
“Hang a crucifix over your bed and continuously pray to Saint Joseph and the Blessed Virgin Mary for your marriage to be strong,” she said. “Try to make time once in a while for just yourselves as a couple.”
at the bottom and then tap “Add to Home Screen”
