When home is a classroom (and faculty lounge)

CAMDEN — After breakfast, Bridget Arnold and her two children get dressed and “walk to school” by walking around their yard.  When they re-enter the house, they watch morning prayer with Joan Dollinger, principal of Assumption Regional Catholic School, Galloway, where the children are students but are no longer attending class because of the coronavirus.

The Arnold house is now the classroom, with its own routine, structure, rules and expectations.

It is also a classroom and faculty lounge for Arnold who, as a public school teacher, also has to prepare lessons for her own students, as well as assume some of the responsibility for her children’s education.

“This experience is very stressful for all of us, but with faith and family unity we will come through it,” she said.

Bridget Arnold was one of dozens of family representatives who responded to an email query from the Catholic Schools Office asking parents to share how they are coping with social distancing, fostering spirituality without being able to attend Mass, and calming their children’s fears and anxieties.

Benefits but definite challenges

Those who responded were generally upbeat, with many saying they were enjoying extra family time, including shared prayer, more leisurely meals and movie nights. Some reported enjoying a break from an endless cycle of drop-offs and pick-ups and feeling the focused time at home had improved communication. And many were full of praise for the efficiency and care demonstrated by school administrators and teachers.

“While I hope everything will return back to normal, I have to admit this has made me realize how much running, exhaustion and stress we chose to have in our lives before. It kind of makes you question why we did all of that,” wrote Erika Cahill. 

But parents — mostly mothers — were also honest about the challenges and disappointments they and their children are dealing with.

“I have been getting more depressed, not sure why but I have noticed it,” wrote Kelly McMullin, no doubt voicing the feelings of many Americans these days. “I am trying to take walks to help, and I was able to start acupuncture this week so I am hoping that helps. It is sad for all those people dying and the rain does not help.”

Dave Dempsey — one of the few fathers who responded — wrote, “Our 16-year-old daughter just said today, ‘I feel stressed out, I’ve been feeling this way for about 5 days’ — what could be worse then a teenager trapped in the house with their parents?”

A message from the King family noted, “5-year-olds don’t really do social distancing. Also, she really wants to see her friends from school. She misses Miss Stacy.”

Some families said they had spoken to their children about what would happen if both parents get sick. “We listed out what things they’ll have to do to help us (call our doctors) and to help with he house (e.g., feed the dogs, lock doors, etc.) if we have to stay isolated. … They had lots of questions and we answered them. We also told them that the likelihood of any of us getting severely ill was quite low and explained specific stats,” said Emily Askin.

Different circumstances, different challenges

The respondents indicated that the difficulties of quarantine varied with their individual circumstances. Their employment and family size, and their children’s ages and personalities — whether shy or outgoing — were all factors.

“Balancing time between helping my sixth grader with school work and trying to maintain a schedule for him all while also maintaining a schedule for my 3-year-old has been challenging,’” wrote Maggie Clark, whose children attend Saint Michael the Archangel in Clayton.

But it has also been a good experience, she added.

“Mr. G’s morning announcements play in our home every morning, my husband and I have been right there saying prayers and the pledge with our sons. I think this is one of the good things I will take from this experience. Being able to cook breakfast in the morning, not just cereal or a breakfast bar, has been nice too,” she wrote.  

Another mother noted, “As a working mom who drives four hours a day to and from work three days a week, I am treasuring these extra days working from home.” 

At the other extreme, for Kelly Conway, who is a nurse in the emergency department, the stress of balancing her child’s studies with her own work feels like more stress than she can handle some days.

“Keeping my son who has an ISP on track has been especially challenging. Knowing where to stop helping him and letting him make mistakes is a blurred line,” she wrote. But, she added, “All the teachers have been great and understanding.”

Gina Guarnere’s older son, Vince, has autism, and he has had trouble with the changes to his schedule and routine. Her younger son, Nathan — “my little extrovert” — doesn’t understand why he can’t play with his friends or see his teachers.

“I don’t know that I’m doing a very good job managing my kids’ anxiety. They’re smart, and they know that things are difficult for the adults, no matter how much we try to shield them,” she wrote. “So the best I can do is allow them a safe space to process their frustration. If they wanna cry, they can do so. If they’re feeling especially angry, I try not to take their outbursts personally and just hug them through it.”

Tricia Bradberry noted that her husband is not traveling as much for work these days, and she enjoys having him home more. As the mother of six children, ages 1-17, she is enjoying the temporary break from a hectic schedule of shuffling kids to activities. “As a family of eight this has been easier for us in many ways.  I realize that may not be the case for most families.” 

It’s not the case for Barsocchi family. Their son is an only child who “definitely feels lonely not being able to participate in school and all his school activities.”

Mary Ellen Wuerker is also the mother of an only child. “My prayer from when our son was first born was that he would find friends who feel like family wherever he goes. I have worked extra hard to try to present our son with lots of experiences to be around other kids, and one of the reasons we enrolled him at Bishop McHugh (Cape May Court House) was to give him ‘family’ outside of our family,” she wrote. “He misses his friends — I even miss his friends! It has been so good to see their sweet little faces during his teacher’s Zoom meetings.”

She added, expressing a feeling that most parents can probably understand, “I am loving having the opportunity to spend more time with my son (even if we have been getting on each other’s nerves a lot today).”