Resentment happens. Anger happens. Jealousy happens. Envy happens. Bitterness happens. Un-forgiveness happens. Discouragement happens. Despair happens. Hopelessness happens. Not letting go happens.
Resentment is a killer. Anger is a killer. Jealousy is a killer. Envy is a killer. Bitterness is a killer. Un-forgiveness is a killer. Discouragement is a killer. Despair is a killer. Hopelessness is a killer. Not letting go is a killer.
These negative emotions kill inner-joy. They kill inner-peace. They kill inner-happiness. They kill inner-growth. They kill inner meaning. They kill inner-satisfaction with life. They kill inner-excitement with life.
We may wish none of these negative emotions ever occurred. We may wish we could have a life where none of these emotions ever surface. We may wish we could participate in a life without these negative emotions.
But as long as we live in our bodies, we will be steeped in these negative emotions. As long as we are immersed in the human condition, we will have to confront negative emotions. We cannot evade them.
All of these negative emotions can be a way for us to protect ourselves. We may want to protect ourselves from some pain. We may want to protect ourselves from some hurt. But it does not work that way.
The pain and hurt have many contributing sources. A contributing factor can be a fragile self-concept. A contributing factor can be some rejection by a friend. A contributing factor can be some kind of perceived abandonment by a parent. A contributing factor can be some misunderstanding at work. A contributing factor can be some kind of self-downing.
But it is essential to remember that the fragile self-concept and the rejection by a friend and the abandonment by a parent and the misunderstanding at work are merely the contributing factors. The negative thoughts are the causation of the negative emotions.
The causation of the negative emotions is what we tell ourselves about ourselves and about others. The thoughts create the feelings. Outside factors do not disturb us. It is what we tell ourselves about these factors that disturb us. This distinction between contribution and causation is of critical importance for emotional and spiritual transformation.
Ultimately, we cause our own emotional disturbances by our negative thoughts. Ultimately, we have to take full responsibility for our negative emotions. We are the ones who have to own our self-defeating emotions. We create them. Outside factors contribute to them. This is a key distinction.
We are the ones who are being injured by ourselves. We are the ones who are being damaged by ourselves. We are the ones who are being hurt by ourselves. We are the ones who are being pained by ourselves.
To erase these negative emotions we have to look carefully at ourselves. It is necessary to work on understanding ourselves. It is essential to identify the negative “self-talk” we have about ourselves, or we have about a spouse or we have about a child or we have about a parent or we have about a co-worker or we have about a boss.
The truth is that we are always involved in an inner-dialogue with ourselves about all of these identified persons. The truth is that much of our “inner-dialogue” about the self and about other persons and outside situations is negative.
Unfortunately, the negative “self-talk” is ever present. Unfortunately, these negative “inner-voices” are forever clamoring. They are looking for attention. They can soak up much of our psyche energies.
The negative whispering in our heads runs like this…it is not fair…it is not just…it is not right…I should be treated better …I am entitled to more pay…I should be appreciated…I should be promoted… I should not be fired… nobody cares about me…nobody loves me as I am….
You start the spiritual path by going within yourself. You identify the negative thoughts. You trap the inner self-talk. You write down the negative self-statements. You then confront these thoughts for their veracity. You test the truthfulness of these thoughts.
It is helpful to apply reason and logic to your negative thoughts. You simply ask yourself where is the evidence to prove that this or that thought is true. You will be surprised that when you apply reason and logic to many of the things you think and say to yourself about yourself and about others do not hold up as true. Many of our thoughts are delusional and self-deceiving. They are simply not true.
You practice this exercise of searching for the validity and truthfulness of your thoughts every time you feel pained or hurting. You practice this because antecedent to every negative emotion there is always a negative thought.
You identify the negative thought and confront the negative thought for its truthfulness. And in this way, you are equipped to erase the thought and replace the thought with more adaptive and realistic thinking. It is then that your mood is automatically improved and uplifted.
You practice this exercise with patience and with perseverance and with persistence. You repeat this exercise over and over again because conversion does not happen over-night. “Grace Builds on nature,” (St. Thomas Aquinas, 13th century). That is why we need the six weeks of Lent.
Msgr. Thomas J. Morgan is pastor, St. Mary Parish and St. Thomas More Parish, Cherry Hill.
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