MERCHANTVILLE – Young adults of South Jersey were asked to examined their “Why Within” and how finding what truly matters in life can positively impact themselves and others.
“Would you rather be successful or significant?” Gene Miller asked the 40 young adult women and men gathered July 21 at the Blue Monkey Tavern.
Miller, a parishioner of Saint Peter Parish in Merchantville and co-founder and president of CITRS, which focuses on character and professional development, was the main presenter for the “Why Within” evening, hosted by the seminarians of the Diocese of Camden.
During his talk, Miller introduced the concept of the Two Mountain Success Model. The first mountain is “other-centered,” with the markers of success/significance including qualities like fostering character, relationships with others, family and having a cause bigger than oneself.
The second mountain is “me-centered” and defines success in ways such as economic, athletic and academic achievements; popularity and fame; and power and control.
Ideally, those seeking to be people of substance and integrity should scale the first mountain, but not discount the second completely, he said.
“God does want you to achieve, but they [markers of success] shouldn’t define who we are. We must have a purpose in our lives that is bigger than our hopes, dreams, wants and desires,” he said.
In living like God, “loving our neighbor as ourselves … we are other-centered, other-focused and can have a positive impact on other [people’s] lives.”
Too many times, Miller said, people can compare and compete with others, whether it be bank accounts, job titles or relationships. In doing so, “we are isolated and alone, without a community.”
Instead, focus on the “other-centered” success points to live a life of true meaning and value, he said.
To further drive this point home, Miller had his audience read excerpts from “Seasons of Life: A Football Star, A Boy, A Journey to Manhood,” by Jeffrey Marx, which shared the story of Joe Ehrmann, former NFL star and high school football coach.
Ehrmann taught that “empathy, integrity and living a life of service to others are more important than points on a scoreboard,” Miller explained.
In addition to his talk, Miller took questions from the crowd. Some of those questions centered around his life experiences as a combat veteran and fighter pilot in Operation Desert Storm; leadership, character and ethics instructor at The University of Pennsylvania, the U.S. Naval Academy and other organizations; and as tennis coach at the Naval Academy, Saint Joseph’s University and The University of Pennsylvania.
“Landing on an aircraft carrier at night,” he responded after being asked about the scariest thing he ever did as a fighter pilot.
Asked how to be a good mentor, he said, “The main thing to remember is people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”
That, he said, is more important than imparting one’s agenda or knowledge. “Meet people where they’re at; we’re all at different places in our lives, with our own experiences.”
“Win the right to be heard,” he continued. “You can do that by living a virtuous life and [with] proper priorities.”
Miller acknowledged that at times, “finding a purpose in life does take a desert experience. Get back into prayer. God will do the work.”
Seminarians and young adults alike expressed their appreciation for Miller’s advice.
“The talk has challenged me to take what I’ve learned now and share it with others to let it grow,” said Theo Deluhery, a seminarian for the Diocese who helped organize the event.
Throughout this summer, Deluhery and his fellow seminarians are being formed as missionary disciples, using their gifts and talents to share the Gospel with others.
“We’re all using our particular charisms” – in ways such as registration, logistics, promotion and public speaking – to make such programs as the one at the Blue Monkey possible, he said.
Just days before, the seminarians held a vocations presentation in Glassboro. They’ve also been planning for a day of discernment July 26 in Hammonton, which will include prayer, faith-sharing, games and Mass.
“We’re building each other up at these events for the greater glory of God,” Deluhery said.
Bella DeFeo, a young adult leader at Saint Peter Parish in Merchantville, could relate to Miller in the coaching sphere, as she just finished eight years mentoring gymnastics students.
“His call for the coach to love the players, and the players to love each other as they go out and compete, resonated with me, as I tried to do the same,” she said.
Further, DeFeo aims to practice “putting my relationship with God, family and peers before any of my material desires.”
She also noted, “I’m glad there was a good demonstration of the young adult community here, to not only support each other and build each other up, but to support our seminarians.”
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