Graduation time is not always filled with joy for families. Some students barely pass or don’t pass at all.
In June 1987, my mother was at her wit’s end with me. She had just received my 10th-grade report card in which I had failed two classes for the year: English and Music Major. I had never been a good student, and from seventh grade on, I received failing grades in tests, for marking periods and even eighth-grade math for the year. However, I had a natural ability to write, loved reading and played the flute, so I usually earned good grades in English and music classes. These failures were proof that these were not just academic struggles, but that I was flat out rebellious and refused to work.
Throughout the years, my parents had really tried to motivate me to improve in academics, trying everything from tutoring to punishments and everything in-between. My mom said, “You’re going to have to go to summer school now.”
I flipped back, “I don’t have to go to summer school, I’ll just be a second semester sophomore,” which was what we called the kids in the beginning of their junior year who failed some courses but didn’t flunk so badly that they had to stay back the entire year. I thought the phrase had a cool ring to it.
“No,” she said, “You are going to summer school, and if you get anything less than an A, you’re paying for it yourself!”
I argued back to no avail. The failing hadn’t upset me, but I had planned to work full time that summer and make good money. Now, I could only work half a day and had to pay for summer school, too!
I am grateful to my mom for insisting on that for three reasons. One, for being a mom who said “no.” She held me accountable for what I did wrong and made me experience the consequences of my poor behavior.
The second reason is that her decision caused me to meet a teacher who completely turned my attitude around. Mr. Don Smedley was my English summer schoolteacher. He complimented me on what I did well and enthusiastically offered to help me work on the areas in which I struggled. I can honestly say I enjoyed that summer school class thoroughly. I learned a great deal, and he had a way of teaching that related to us as teens.
That summer, I earned a 91 in my English class. Although a 93 was required for an A, my mom was proud of me because she knew how much effort I had put into my learning. Since my grade was above a 90, she was merciful and told me I did not have to pay for the course after all. She wanted to give me positive reinforcement for my good behavior, and I was immensely grateful. By the time I had Mr. Smedley again for Honors Creative Writing as a senior, I hadn’t earned another poor grade since I met him – and had even made the honor roll!
The third reason is something I didn’t understand until many years later: God can turn an unwanted situation into a blessing.
Do you have a student – or students – in your life who is struggling? Take the time to compliment them on what they do well, but don’t be afraid to hold them accountable for what they can do better. Never doubt a kid’s ability to change. Who they are in junior high, high school, college or even young adulthood will not necessarily define who they will be one day. This is not just about academics, but about any concerning behavioral patterns. That certainly was the case with me, and it is what our Catholic faith is all about.
We believe in a person’s ability to change. We believe in God’s grace that will help us to do all things in Him. This doesn’t mean that we don’t challenge others and help them to strive to be their best selves; sometimes, that is what is necessary. However, we should never look at anyone as a lost cause. Some of the greatest saints were reformed sinners: Saint Augustine of Hippo, Saint Francis of Assisi, Saint Ignatius of Loyola, and Servant of God Dorothy Day are just a handful. Perhaps you can ask the intercession of these saints for this particular person.
Remember that sincere compliments, constructive feedback, accountability, and yes, “Be(ing) merciful, just as your Father is merciful” – Luke 6:36 – can make a huge difference in a student’s life.
Sister M. Emily Vincent Rebalsky, IHM, is the program director at Villa Maria by the Sea Retreat Center, Stone Harbor.
at the bottom and then tap “Add to Home Screen”
