Before Election Day, poll after poll reflected a presidential race so close that it was impossible to predict a winner – yet those same polls did indicate with absolute certainty something else: After all the votes were counted, as a country, we would still be at one another’s throats.
Over the years, I’ve sped past the biblical warning “the wrath of man does not accomplish the righteousness of God” (James 1:20) with my political complaining, and I have not been alone in my fist pounding. Stories of how political differences have ended friendships, caused family riffs and resulted in public hostility have become common. In recent weeks, news outlets have been offering suggestions on how to deal with pre- and post-election stress.
During the last-minute campaign reporting, punditry and general election noise, I’ve often contemplated a brief comment about prayer that the writer Mary Karr made in a completely different and apolitical context.
Karr has published several books of poetry, but she is most widely known for her three memoirs, so much so that in 2015, she wrote a book about the memoir genre.
In “The Art of Memoir,” she retells an anecdote about her mother – a woman who was married seven times – that illustrates much about Karr’s own early life and family:
“Asked once how a bullet hole landed in a kitchen tile, Mother said, succinctly, ‘He moved.’ And that wasn’t the only firearm incident. My sister once quipped to Mother as the tile guy fingered a bullet hole, ‘Isn’t that where you shot at Daddy?’ And Mother came back, ‘No, that’s where I shot at Larry. Over there’s where I shot at your daddy.’”
In addition to firearm “incidents,” the narrative of Karr’s life includes tales of poverty, her frightening grandmother and her frightening bout with cancer, sexual assault, alcoholism, divorce, single motherhood and, eventually, getting sober and converting to Catholicism. (“Only by praying could I quit,” she said about her alcoholism in a 2006 interview.) But it’s another comment she made about prayer that’s been on my mind at this particular time in our national politics.
Near the end of “The Art of Memoir,” in a short chapter for struggling writers who aspire to author their own memoir, Karr includes a list of 11 characteristics common to all her books. She begins with practical writing advice, such as “paint a physical reality that uses all the senses” and “tell a story that gives the reader some idea of your milieu.”
But she completes her list with this suggestion: “Love your characters. Ask yourself what underlay their acts and versions of the past.”
She adds: “Sometimes I pray to see people I’m angry at or resentful of as God sees them, which heals both page and heart.”
Earlier in the book, she quotes another writer’s advice: “If you’re writing about somebody you hate, do it with great love.”
Karr’s prayers and her efforts at understanding are at least partially prompted by self-interest – to do her best work – and her work has proven to be healing for her, her family and countless readers.
In describing her own family, Karr mentions that she’s “left” and her older sister – the woman Karr describes as her “hero” – is “hard right,” yet “The Art of Memoir” is completely devoid of politics.
But Americans are living in an era in which each half of the country is “angry at or resentful of” the other half. Our political differences are real, consequential and worth fighting over because they can profoundly impact people’s lives. But no matter where you sit on the political divide, whether you’re feeling celebratory or anxious about the outcomes of the election, those differences do not preclude trying to understand what motivates even your fiercest opponents, and praying to see them as God sees them.
In his book “Why We’re Polarized,” Ezra Klein cites a 2018 study that revealed misconceptions Democrats held about Republicans, and misconceptions Republicans held about Democrats. For example: Democrats believed 44 percent of Republicans earned more than $250,000 a year. The actual figure was only 2 percent. Republicans believed that 38 percent of Democrats were gay, lesbian or bisexual, while the real number is only about 6 percent.
Even more telling is that the more interested in politics people were – and the more political media they consumed – the more mistaken they were about the other party. (Draw your own conclusions about that.)
Six years later, our political misunderstandings and animosity seem as deep as ever. A few prayers couldn’t hurt.
Carl Peters is former managing editor of the Catholic Star Herald.
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