We recently experienced the first day we stepped back into church physically, now with masks, social distancing amongst pews, no kiss of peace, and an exit directly after Communion. This was a welcome change for our family as our new normal for the past 12 weeks had involved screen time in our religious moments. Our entire lives had been adjusted in terms of schooling, work and every other aspect into one big Zoom blur for us.
For the past 12 weeks, we had, as a family, been convening in our living room to tune into church services online. Once a week two parents, three physical children, one college student streaming in from her apartment in Philadelphia on a device, and two large clumsy golden retrievers all gathered in the family room to watch church services.
Each week Mass ended with the Spiritual Communion Prayer. We prayed this together over the course of our quarantine, but we definitely felt the separation from community and the sacrament.
Over time, we established certain rules which under normal circumstances were not necessary. These rules were as follows:
1. No coming to church in your pajamas. This rule had been strictly adhered to in the first few weeks of quarantine but slowly deteriorated as the dress code overall in our house deteriorated to elastic waistbands.
2. Be there five minutes before time. There is a lax start time but come with the idea of getting into the right frame of mind.
3. No surfing for the “best” church service or shortest one.
4. No texting or TicToking during Mass.
5. Everybody sits on their own square on the couch or separate furniture. No crowding and complaining.
6. No playing with the dogs. Focus on the Mass.
7. No personal comments about parishioners, cantors or the priest.
The last rule was an important one, meant to discourage observations about, for example, haircuts.
One of the interesting positive elements that emerged was our real time discussions of the homilies. In our past lives, we might mention something in the car on the way home or try quizzing the kids to encourage them to pay attention to the priest’s message. In this new reality, there was real discussion on the message offered.
I was struck by this during one particular homily in which the priest was very animated about his message. Everybody had perked up as the priest had engaged us with a story. “Ooh, I like him,” came from a square on the couch. “Preach,” came from the other square on the couch. “I agree with that. I feel like that,” empathized another. There was even an appreciative nod from the virtual college student. A positive religious conversation ensued which may have been lost in our previous normal reality. This slowly became the norm in our house during quarantine: discussion occurred on the message of the Mass, while in Mass.
Now going back to physically being in the church necessitated a new set of rules for our family. Dress code is back. We need to leave at least 20 minutes early to be on time. There is no laxed start time, there is an actual start time. No texting or TicToking. Leave the dogs at home. No personal comments on other parishioners. Be prepared to discuss the message of the church. Coming back to the physical church, we have to remember not to interrupt the clergyman’s homily during Mass with our newfound voices.
This may be the most valuable thing we took out of our quarantine experience. Even separated from the other members of our faith — or even more importantly, because we are separated from others — we must keep the Catholic discussion alive and breathing in our own households.
Joseph Conway and his family belong to Saint Stephen Parish, Pennsauken.
at the bottom and then tap “Add to Home Screen”
