By Cesar Pirateque
Peace and joy have occupied my heart during my preparation for Holy Orders. I have thought a lot about what it means to respond to this blessed call. I never wished to respond only passively, but instead, I have always wanted my heart to participate as actively as possible. While receptivity is essential, receiving does not imply inaction. On the contrary, the required action involves a total embracing of everything that is offered in my preparation for Holy Orders.
Preparation begins with the Lord, who is always the initiator of the call to belong to Him for His own purposes. It is essential to know that those He calls have free will and that our receptivity of His love and grace requires the soul to be dependent upon God. I have learned over these years that when the soul is prepared with good, tilled soil, God can produce fruit in it. Good soil involves prayer, study and good works, which is tilled through formation challenges.
The clearest example that I have known is from my childhood. The significant presence and model in my life is Mary Most Holy. She, the Queen of Heaven, was perfectly prepared, entirely disposed to Divine Providence in the plan for our redemption. God planted in the heart of the Blessed Virgin Truth itself, and it is through our Queen’s “yes” that we have the living “yes” that leads to life in the Lord Jesus Christ.
Mary Most Holy has been and will always be my example of receiving the gift of a vocation from God. God gave a great gift by calling me to His service, and I cry out to heaven to be worthy of this calling, this gift every day.
The seminary has helped me to be attentive to the tilling of the land of my heart so that whatever fruit the Lord desires can grow in my soul. I said previously that receiving implies action and not passivity. I say this because, from the moment that I began to discern my vocation, it has constantly been receiving grace upon grace. It has been necessary to respond to the graces. On many occasions, this call has been a challenge because the Lord does not want me to remain in the same place where He found me, but on the contrary, He wants to take me beyond my imagining. To take me, He demands more from me. Every day is as though the first time I felt His tugging on my heart.
If I am not careful and do not remain vigilant to my call, I will attempt to stay in my comfort zone, where one does only the basics, forgetting that the Lord’s work is a calling to the eternal and supernatural.
When a man is receptive to priestly formation, it allows God to continually reveal who he is and what he is called to be. Openness to self-knowledge leads to a readjustment and transformation in every aspect of life by the grace received. Without this time, I could have mistakenly thought nothing should be changed. Despite the challenges, it is all worth it for the glory of God.
This transformation can only happen in dialogue that takes place in silence. The transformation will not take place if the mind is constantly occupied with noise and distractions. It is prayer, the constant and intentional conversation with Almighty God, which has guided, unveiled and preserved my vocational discernment. In prayer, I allowed silence to embrace me and to help me to listen for the voice of the Father, who in the heart seeks good soil to make His dwelling. I hope that the Lord will help me to understand that I can receive His grace, always living in humble receptivity during my entire life. The call is His initiative, and it is proper to place oneself in His hands in order to become one with Him.
In receiving God’s gift, a Light becomes brighter, allowing the consciousness to be formed in the truth that humankind seems to abandoning. I pray that God will use me to live and teach the freedom found in His Gospel. It is in the depths of the human soul where God is and waits to be found. The heart is made for the truth, and only in abandonment to Him and openness to receiving His grace will peace and joy be found.
This reception is something I believe calls me always to follow the path of continuous formation in Christ. We are constantly being formed, and in my own crosses, I see Calvary not only as a reminder of the love of Christ but also I believe that I am called to be His living example of Christ Who suffered in love for us. Seminary formation has allowed me to embrace this reality.
My path continues, and with it, the soul’s continuous formation according to the Father’s will. There are so many risks to be had when the soul does not seek God, Who is the one on Whom everything depends. One must not think that priestly formation sets one’s eyes on himself or has one embracing some false god. I cry out to heaven for His grace and mercy because I need it at every moment. While I do not deserve His call, I abandon myself in obedience to Him. I understand that nothing can be done to deserve or earn His gift. It is not any self-merit, but the Lord is the one who always gives Himself to the one He loves.
How can this mystery be explained? When a person recognizes himself as one loved by God, he can actively receive the gentle and humble promise of God that He is with us and that He will offer His love to others through the one who is called. All of these years, since the day I first left Colombia, each step has been about surrendering to Divine Providence so that my will makes communion with the Divine Will.
My heart is trying to understand and live the call that the Lord has given me. In trying to answer honestly and with humility, I know that I do not merit this gift. I beg heaven for the grace to let His love consume me.
Cesar Pirateque, Third Year Theology, attends Immaculate Conception Seminary at Seton Hall University in South Orange, N.J.
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