Editor’s Note: In the Catholic Church, November is traditionally dedicated to the holy souls in purgatory and remembering those who have left this earthly plane. Throughout November, the Catholic Star Herald is featuring articles related to death and dying and how “death is not the end, but rather the door through which we must pass to gain eternal life.”
From honoring a loved one’s wishes to selecting readings and music, planning a Mass to arranging burial, a wide variety of important decisions must be made when planning a Catholic funeral.
While some families might be faced with making these decisions after a family member has passed, South Jersey funeral directors recommend pre-planning whenever possible.
“Thinking of every detail for a funeral is a virtual impossibility for most families, and pre-planning helps alleviate some of the stress,” said Kenneth Freitag of Freitag Funeral Home, Bridgeton. “No one ever knows exactly when death with come, and making sure there is a mechanism in place to begin the process of carrying out any type of post-death rituals becomes more meaningful when time and thoughts can be shared. Reliving memories of the deceased absolutely enhances the significance of ceremony and makes the funeral become a celebration of new Christian life for the Catholic family.”
When a family first contacts a funeral home following a loss, staff will begin to ask a number of questions – including the decedent’s marital status, whether they had children and whether they are affiliated with a particular parish. Early in the process, funeral directors will also work with the family and the parish of choice to schedule a date for services.
Ashley R. Caruso Condon, funeral director for Falco Caruso & Leonard Funeral Homes, Pennsauken, described the initial meeting with family members.
“When they arrive, we figure our times and date for services, we go through all of the vital statistic information the death certificates ask, we write up obituaries, we discuss flowers, in lieu of charity choices, [and] we discuss what the church will be asking the family,” she said. Initial discussions also include cemetery information, decisions about what their loved one should be wearing, and plans to collect photographs for a video slideshow and printed items. They also review costs and other logistics.
Parish staff will typically ask families for reading and music selections as well as the names of participants who will play a role in the service, Condon added.
Condon describes two types of funeral arrangements – at-need and pre-need. The first category might involve someone passing away unexpectedly, or a family that was not able to pre-plan any details.
“This can obviously be a little chaotic for a family. Some people know exactly what they want and have told their loved ones, but a lot of times this isn’t the case, and families are torn on which options they should pick for their loved one,” she said, adding that funeral directors have started to see more families with next of kin living in different parts of the country – further complicating the planning process.
Like Freitag, Condon strongly recommends pre-need planning if feasible.
“It is a beautiful option because it allows people to truly process what will happen, what their wishes may be, what to ‘expect’ when the time comes, and what different options there are as far as burial, cremation, entombment, viewings, caskets and memorial services,” she said, noting that those details can also be changed at any time.
She noted that individual Catholics engaged in pre-planning can select every detail – including the saint and prayer on their prayer card, the color of their casket and more.
“I think it’s important to not look at it as a taboo,” Condon added. “We all know we will eventually pass on from this life, hopefully to heaven, but we should let our loved ones know what we want.”
Condon said that pre-planning can also “give families peace of mind, knowing they are respecting and dignifying what their loved one wanted.” Planning in advance can also help families make financial arrangements, even if that means obtaining an insurance policy that would pay a funeral home directly to avoid families having to pay up front.
Especially when planning a Catholic funeral, Freitag recommends keeping in close communication with parish staff to make arrangements for the services and priest. He also encourages families to be more engaged in the process of planning a funeral Mass.
“The Catholic Church allows for much more customization than many families realize within the structure of the Liturgy,” he said. “My increasing experience is that each family, while wanting to be respectful, also wants some uniqueness to their ceremony or service. Individuals who pick their own readings and music are usually content in the pre-planning process to know their wishes will be followed.”
Freitag also encourages family members to talk with one another throughout the planning process, whether that is done in advance or following a death.
“Often lacking is the social interaction and direct conversations needed among family members,” he said. “It is amazing what we can learn when we sit and talk and, especially, listen to one another.”
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