“Be merciful, O Lord, for we have sinned.”
At the Mass for Ash Wednesday, that refrain is prayed after each verse of the Responsorial Psalm. It is meant to call to mind and, indeed, to emphasize our sinfulness and our need for God’s mercy.
In the “Our Father,” Jesus taught us that we have an incredible claim on the Father’s forgiveness for our sins when we pray, “Forgive us our trespasses.” However, there is attached to that claim an indispensable condition. God is willing and eager to grant us his merciful pardon only insofar “as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Sometimes, that requirement is extraordinarily difficult to fulfill.
For about 100 days in the spring and summer of 1994, the worst genocide in recent history took place in the central east African county of Rwanda. In the internecine war, the rivers and lakes of that country ran red with the blood of almost a million victims. The Hutus, the majority tribe, were the aggressors against the minority Tutsis and moderate Hutus.
In 2006, Immaculée Ilibagiza, a member of the Tutsi tribe, recounted her personal experience of the horror of genocide in the book “Left Behind.” In that autobiographical work, she wrote about the unbelievable physical and spiritual struggles she had to endure.
When she arrived home from college for Easter that year, violence was on the brink of breaking out. Soon, both of her parents, her brothers and many friends were murdered. Only by the grace of God was she able to find refuge in the house of a sympathetic member of the Hutus. There, she was hidden in a small room where the entrance was concealed by a large wardrobe. Fear and anxiety reached a fever pitch as she heard the screams of victims outside being slaughtered.
In that cramped space, Immaculée began to pray the Rosary over and over again. However, each time she prayed the “Our Father,” she stumbled over the words, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Her wounded heart was so full of hatred for the murderers of her family and friends that she could hardly even say the words, let alone mean them. Still, she knew that Jesus’ words were not an option but a requirement. She realized, too, that if the hatred were left to fester, it would kill her soul.
To at least begin the process of reconciliation, Immaculée prayed that God would forgive the murderers since she herself could not. With that in mind, every time she prayed the problematic petition of the “Our Father,” her heart gradually began to soften. Then, after a very long time, she was finally able to pray the petition and mean it.
Some time after the hostilities had ended, Immaculée visited one of her family’s killers in prison. When she grasped his hand in forgiveness, she felt a tremendous weight lifted from her. She said it was the beginning of a new life, a type of resurrection.
“Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you,” Jesus said. (Mt 5:44) That has got to be the most troubling, the most challenging, the most difficult of all of Jesus’ teachings. In fact, it is even ridiculous because, on the surface, it defies human logic.
Deep down, however, we know that forgiveness is necessary to maintain mental, emotional, spiritual and even physical health. That is because forgiveness breaks the cycle of violence and the terrible distress it causes. Forgiveness says: “I can outdo your violence. I can overcome the evil you have caused with goodness.” “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth” just does not work because it perpetuates the violence tit for tat.
You have heard it said, “I’m going to forgive, but I am not going to forget.” Of course you’re not. Do you think Immaculée could ever forget the unspeakable atrocities she and her loved ones experienced? Of course not. But by forgiving, we refuse to let the great wrongs done preoccupy us and consume our lives.
You may still say: “I know. I know. But I just can’t do it by myself.” Of course you can’t. God’s partnership is absolutely necessary.
So start slowly. Ask for God’s grace to at least begin to pray for the one who has hurt you. That is the first hurdle to overcome, and it may take a long time. Be patient and persistent. God will surely lead one who is committed to the process along the path of healing and reconciliation. It is so important to remember that it just cannot be done without God’s help because, as the saying goes, “To err is human, but to forgive is divine.”
Father Edward Kolla is a retired priest of the Diocese.
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