Before I was born, He was writing my story

What if the most important story of your life began long before you were even born – and someone has been quietly holding you, guiding you and waiting for you ever since?

What if, long before you ever knew His name, Jesus was gently and patiently writing a story you would spend your whole life reading? A story you would return to again and again, each time discovering new depths of His great love, not only for the world, but personally, intimately, for you?

My name is Sister M. Elzbieta Halaj, and I am a Little Servant Sister of the Immaculate Conception.

To share my friendship with Jesus, I must begin at the very beginning – before my memories, before my choices – before my time, when I hear an echo of God’s words to the prophet Jeremiah: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I dedicated you; a prophet to the nations I appointed you.” (Jer. 1:5)

Born in Poland, I was happy and full of energy and ideas as a child, and I had a dream. I wanted to be a clown in the circus. I wanted to make people smile. I loved tricks and climbing trees. I practiced juggling, headstanding and walking on my hands. It was nothing but fun. In the middle of all that, Jesus was my best Friend.

Before I made my First Holy Communion, my cousin, who was my role model, became a cloistered nun. I wanted to be just like her. I wanted to be a sister.

Things changed right after my First Holy Communion, when dark clouds overshadowed my life. While walking down the street with my oldest brother, a drunk driver crashed into us. That was the worst day of my life. It was the last time I spoke with my brother and the first time we had dinner without him.

As a nine-year-old girl, I did not understand why Jesus took my brother when I needed him so much. From that time on, there were many “Why?” questions in my life. Being afraid that Jesus might take another person I loved, I turned my back on Him. I broke my friendly relationship with Jesus. I decided to be on my own.

I was on my own through my elementary school years, until it was time to apply to high school. That became a wake-up call in my heart, because I was afraid to face that transition alone. I did not feel ready for what was ahead, and I knew I could not go through it without Jesus’ help. Yet I was not ready to ask Him directly for that grace. So instead, I turned to the Blessed Mother Mary and asked for her intercession – and she gently, quietly led me back to Jesus.

I began to understand that Jesus gives second chances. I realized that Jesus had a plan for my life because He saved me at the time of the accident.

Actually, I was wrong, because the accident was already the second chance given to me. The first one came much earlier.

Before I was born, my life was in danger of abortion because the doctor did not like the fact that I was the fourth child in the family. Thankfully, my mom was pro-life. Thanks to my mom, I was born – and just nine years later, my brother died in that accident.

When I was in high school, I had no doubt that Jesus was asking for my heart. He sent me an invitation to a special relationship with Him. He asked for my whole and undivided heart.

My answer was a brief, “Yes.”

At that moment, joy and happiness filled my heart.

I wanted to become a sister as soon as possible, but my parents had their own plans, and I was asked to come with them to the United States. It was difficult because I was not sure if I could become a sister in this country, where everything was so new.

On the day of my arrival in the United States, while traveling from the airport to our new home, we passed by the back of a church. The man who was assisting us whispered to me, “That’s the real goldmine.”

At that moment, I was not paying much attention because I did not realize it was the back of Saint Anthony Church. Since the church was within walking distance from our home, I soon discovered the meaning of those words, and the church became my “goldmine.” It was the place of my close relationship with Jesus and the place where my vocation would grow and develop.

A year later, I became a member of the Little Servant Sisters of the Immaculate Conception. It has now been over 34  years since I became a sister – 34 years of a special relationship with Jesus.

My days are filled with joy, love, peace and happiness, as well as struggles to give my very best, because gold must be tested in fire.

My days are filled with prayer and work. In the past, I met the suffering Jesus while visiting the sick in hospitals, nursing homes and in their homes. I met Jesus among poor children in the Philippines and Jamaica. Since I am a teacher, I meet Jesus in my classroom, and each year I feel that I love my students more and more.

Even now, as I live and tell this story, it is still being written – day by day, step by step, in ways I am only beginning to understand.

When I think about who Jesus is for me, I find it difficult to describe. Words will always fall short. Jesus is my Love, my Friend, my quiet strength and my deepest inspiration. He is the beginning of my mornings and the peace at the end of my nights. He is the One who never stopped calling me back, even when I turned away.

If you truly desire to know Him, do not be afraid to open your heart. Let Him in. He is always ready to meet us again – in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, where we are forgiven, and in the Eucharist, where we are loved.

So, every day, I choose Him again and again. I whisper my small but real, “Yes,” asking Him to stay with me in everything I am and everything I am becoming. As Saint John the Baptist said: “He must increase; I must decrease.” (John 3:30). I whisper my simple prayer: “More of Jesus, less of me. Blessed Mother, please help me.”

I live in hope that one day, this same Jesus, who has been writing my story since before I was born, will finish it not on earth, but in eternity – and invite me to be with Him forever.

Sister M. Elzbieta Halaj, LSIC, is religious, liturgical & sacramental coordinator at Saint Vincent Ferrer School, DelRay Bay, Fla. Before this current assignment, she served for years in the Diocese of Camden, including the Blessed Edmund Early Childhood Education Center in Cherry Hill.