So, here we are, a couple of weeks into the New Year, and we may be going strong on our New Year’s resolutions – or we may not. It’s easy to get excited about making improvements in our lives until our lives get in the way of that.
This year, I propose a new resolution that you can begin on any day of the year, and that is to forgive yourself. I am generally very hard on myself when I break any self-improvement goal. Saint Paul said, “For I do not do the good I want, but I do the evil I do not want.” (Romans 7:19) It is evident that he would be very familiar with our frustration with ourselves.
Forgiving ourselves for our transgressions doesn’t mean we give up on our self-improvement goal; it does mean that we avoid self-loathing and get back on our feet. We often take on too much: We want to quit smoking, lose weight, stop using foul language, be more patient, read the Bible every day, etc. All these things are good, but it can be challenging to incorporate all these practices into our lives at the same time.
Suddenly, a parent is in the hospital, a co-worker resigns leaving us with a heavier workload, or our child starts getting into trouble at school – and all of those well-intentioned resolutions go out the window. Some of it we can’t help – others then just fall around it.
It’s important to take our desires to become the best version of ourselves and submit them to God. Ask Him what He wants you to do to become the person He is calling you to be, and ask Him how He wants you to do it. You may be surprised at how quickly you hear His answer. When we rely on God and not on ourselves, we tend to go much further in the race. Even the burden can seem lighter when we allow Him to take the reins.
Continue to take your resolutions to prayer. For example, ask, “How did I do with that today? Did I listen to you, God, when you reminded me of what you were calling me to?”
Thank Him for each victory and ask for continued help – and even forgiveness if what you’re giving up is actually sinful. Remember, all of our struggles have the potential to make us better disciples of Christ if we learn to use those struggles to defeat the pride within ourselves. We become more able to help others in the same situation. Have you ever wanted to be coached by someone who was perfect? It is encouraging when someone who is helping you says, “I struggled in a similar way before, here’s what helped me.”
Back to Saint Paul again, he said, “… therefore, that I might not become too elated, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, an angel of Satan, to beat me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me, but He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.’ I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Cor. 12:7-10)
Saint Paul’s struggle is somewhat mysterious, and that may be the reason why we can all relate to him, no matter the difficulty. When we come to the realization that we cannot do anything successfully outside the grace of God and submit to Him – that in itself is success.
Sister M. Emily Vincent Rebalsky, IHM, is the program director at Villa Maria by the Sea Retreat Center, Stone Harbor.
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