I always looked up to my older brother Franklin. As a kid, he often picked on me; however, when any other kid tried to ridicule me, Frank would rush to my defense. Frank also didn’t hesitate to tell me what to do. Although I fought back often when he teased me, I would readily take his instruction and advice. My dad, bemused, would call Frank my little father.
When Frank was in ninth grade, he stayed back a year in school. He was in disciplinary trouble often. He was a smart kid, but doing schoolwork and following the rules were not on his agenda. From then on in, Frank and I were in the same grade. The first year was a rough adjustment, but after that, we became very close and got along quite well. Frank’s behavioral issues continued to get worse, and he went to drug rehab shortly before his 17th birthday. I wrote a letter to him almost every day during those five weeks and, along with my parents, visited him weekly.
By the time Frank was an adult, he had a trade in which he excelled and opened his own business. He worked very hard at staying clean and sober, and he attended 12-step meetings regularly. Anyone who knows addiction can tell you that the battle is very difficult.
Although Frank had drifted away from the Church, in his 40s, he began attending different Christian denominations and started to read the Bible. There was a billboard in Norristown, Pa., that said, “Pray One Hail Mary.” He once told me, “Whenever I pass that billboard, I do that. I pray a Hail Mary. I remember the words from when I was a kid.”
Frank and I spoke on the phone often. When we were ending our conversations, he would always say, “Let’s close with a prayer.” We would usually pray an Our Father, a Hail Mary and a Glory Be, and then offer any petitions we had. Frank started making his way back to the Catholic Church, and sometimes we would attend Mass together.
One day, Frank and I talked on the phone for over an hour. I was studying at Saint Charles Borromeo Seminary for the summer. Frank suggested we get together for dinner soon. I replied that we could in a few weeks, once I was into my studies. We ended the call with our usual prayers, including the Hail Mary, and said “I love you” as we always did.
The next day, I woke up thinking, “Why don’t I just have Frank over for dinner tonight?” When I called him, he sounded surprised to hear from me so soon but happily accepted the invitation. While on his way, his bus broke down. It was the first summer I was ever given use of a car by my superior. Prior to that, I had always used public transportation. I was able to pick him up and enjoy dinner with him. When I dropped him off at his home, we gave each other a hug and a kiss and said, “I love you.” He called me later to thank me and tell me what a nice time he had, and we ended by praying an Our Father, a Hail Mary and a Glory Be as usual.
A few days later, I received a phone call that he was found dead. He died of an accidental drug overdose. Completely devastated, I couldn’t understand why he had to die alone, that I wasn’t there praying for him, especially when we prayed together all the time. It finally occurred to me: He and I prayed the Hail Mary together just that week.
What are the final words of the Hail Mary? “Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.” Would Mary ever deny her son, Franklin, that plea to pray for him at the hour of his death? Certainly not. Although I wasn’t praying for my brother at the moment of his death, I was immediately comforted knowing that our mother in Heaven, God’s mother, was.
When any of your loved ones die, expectedly or not, know that Mary always knows when it is the hour of their death. Take the opportunity to pray with your loved ones – even if it is uncomfortable. It will bring Mary to their side at the hour of their death and peace of mind to you afterward.
Sister M. Emily Vincent Rebalsky, IHM, is the program director at Villa Maria by the Sea Retreat Center, Stone Harbor.
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