By Kimberley Heatherington, OSV News
(OSV News) — They are the walking wounded — those who have in some way been hurt by the church’s members through different forms of physical and emotional trauma, and continue to live with their injuries.
For some, it has driven — and kept — them away from parish life; others are still among us, but suffer with a sense of alienation and isolation.
How to accompany these brothers and sisters in Jesus Christ was the focus of “Walk with Someone Who Has Been Hurt by the Church,” a Jan. 21 webinar presented during the third and final year of the National Eucharistic Revival and its Walk With One initiative.
Previous components of the revival included the National Eucharistic Pilgrimage May to July 2024, and a 60,000-plus attendee National Eucharistic Congress in Indianapolis July 17-24, 2024.
Walk With One embraces the idea that everyone can — indeed, must — evangelize, and aims to equip them for sharing the Good News of Jesus’ love and compassion. As the NEC summarizes that mission, “The Lord is asking each of us to step out of our comfort zone and evangelize one-on-one.”
That aim is especially urgent for those who have been harmed, said the webinar contributors. They included Bishop Andrew H. Cozzens of Crookston, Minnesota, board chair of the National Eucharistic Congress organization; Gina Barthel, a victim and survivor of abuse; and Sara Larson, executive director of Awake, a nonprofit community of abuse survivors, concerned Catholics and allies responding to sexual abuse in the church.
“It’s important, actually, just to admit that people have been hurt in the church,” began Bishop Cozzens. “Sometimes we’re afraid to admit that. And it’s important to admit that the pain is real that people experience, and it can make it really hard for someone to come back to the church if they’ve been hurt — especially if they’ve been seriously hurt.”
With that first admission, Bishop Cozzens explained, comes another.
“It also would be important to admit that sometimes as a church, as members of the church — whether we’re leaders in the church or members of the church in general — we haven’t always faced this issue. We haven’t always acknowledged the depth of the evil that’s happened,” he said. “We haven’t always valued people’s pain, and we haven’t always dealt with victims of abuse or hurt in the right way. And those of us who want to help, we have to be aware of these things — because we want to be able to do better in helping people return to the church.”
“Every wound we have is important to Jesus,” Bishop Cozzens said. “He cares about it, and he wants to bring his healing to it.”
For those wondering how or where to start, he had specific advice.
“If we want to accompany someone who’s been hurt — if we want to walk with them — we have to begin where they are. This is how you walk with anyone,” he explained. “You have to go to where they are, and you have to begin by seeking to understand their experience.”
“One of the most important things,” he stressed, “can just be listening and even acknowledging, ‘Wow, that must have been painful’ or ‘Wow, that must have been hurtful.’ Just to be able to sympathize — or even empathize — is really key.”
Such an approach is, said Bishop Cozzens, rooted in the Gospels.
“One of the things you see, actually — when you meditate on the Gospels — is the way Jesus deals with people who have been hurt,” he said. “And what you see is that Jesus is not afraid to enter right into the wound — and he always does it with great reverence for the person … not forcing … but he invites them to open that wound, and to hear about it, and to meet them there.”
Ultimately, said Bishop Cozzens, “It’s also important to remember that healing is possible. This is part of the great message we can bring. I think of this great Jubilee Year of Hope that we’re in — the Jubilee Year is about healing, and especially about bringing hope.”
Bishop Cozzens portrayed abuse survivors as a spiritual asset.
“Those who’ve been hurt by a member of the church, when they return to the church, they can strengthen the church — because they can help us to prevent that from happening again,” he said. “And it can help to create in the church an environment that is actually more helpful and healing after that.”
Barthel — sexually abused as a child — was later sexually abused by the very priest from whom she sought healing while she was a novice in religious life.
“My soul was in a lot of chaos,” said Barthel. “He raped my soul.”
The spiritual destruction she experienced at the hands of her clerical tormenter — whom she now refers to as “Mr. M” — was devastating.
“Everything that I knew to be good and holy and pure and true was gone. It was destroyed — and for the first time in my life, I didn’t just think that God didn’t love me,” Barthel said. “I actually thought he hated me.”
“But the worst part of it all,” she added, “was that for the first time in my life, I couldn’t go to Jesus. I felt lost and alone and I didn’t think I could trust anyone. So for six very long, painful years, I wasn’t able to step foot into a Catholic church. And whenever I saw a priest or that Roman collar — all I could think of was Mr. M, and his lies and abuse — and it filled me with both terror and rage.”
Her idealism also fled.
“The rose-colored glasses with which I viewed the Catholic Church were completely shattered,” admitted Barthel. “Because when I tried to come back to the church, I often was not received well.”
She eventually returned in 2013, after crying out to Jesus Christ and experiencing an assurance of healing she finds difficult to verbalize.
“The fact that I’m still Catholic after all this is a testimony to God’s grace and love,” Barthel said. “Jesus continues to pursue my heart with so much intensity, and that’s why I’m Catholic today.”
Barthel’s experience is not atypical, explained Awake’s Sara Larson.
But Larson’s own walk with survivors has revealed four critical approaches of which to be mindful: The humility to know what you don’t know and to offer compassion more than advice; deep reverence for each person’s story of harm; a basic understanding of trauma and its impact; and that laypeople have an essential role in offering accompaniment and support.
“The unfortunate reality,” Larson shared, “is that many people who have been hurt by church leaders are afraid to share these stories with others — especially committed Catholics. Sadly, they are often used to being ignored, blamed; their experiences disbelieved or minimized.”
Statistics, Larson shared, indicate approximately 70% of adults in the U.S. have experienced at least one traumatic event in their lifetime, while around one in four women and one in six men have experienced sexual violence of some kind.
That means people can bring trauma to the church, even if they haven’t experienced it there.
It’s critical to remember, emphasized Larson, “These are people, not projects — and the way that I treat them should reflect the reverence they deserve as children of God.”
Those who would accompany survivors of trauma have a critical role, emphasized Larson.
“We can be the bridge of trust for those who understandably do not trust church leaders,” she said. “We can walk alongside people who are hurting, listen to their stories, acknowledge their pain — and manifest the love of God through our gentle, consistent, compassionate presence.”
Kimberley Heatherington writes for OSV News from Virginia.
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