Deacon Bob Oliver and his wife, Shirley, have mentored engaged couples and supported marriage preparation efforts at Saint Joseph Parish, Somers Point, for more than a dozen years. Together, they recognized an opportunity to help other couples to grow in their relationship with Christ, as well as with each other.
As National Marriage Week – Feb. 7 to 14 – and National Marriage Day – Feb. 11 – approached, Deacon Bob and his wife shared reflections on marriage and advice they often share with new couples.
“Marriage is a vocation, and like every vocation, it is a way to make Christ visible to the world,” Deacon Bob said. “A married couple becomes one, but it’s not magic and doesn’t happen completely with the exchange of vows or the consummation of the marriage. It takes time and effort.”
Over the years, the couple have organized programs like a monthly Meal and Message ministry, which included a home-cooked meal and a 30-minute lesson on some aspect of the faith – and would reach some 30 to 70 faithful each month. More recently, they have begun to utilize “The Marriage Course,” a video marriage enrichment and preparation program, to support couples as part of their marriage preparation ministry.
As they have undoubtedly shared with countless couples over the years, one element is key to building stronger bonds among couples – a common faith.
“In a strong marriage or a strong friendship, there is always a third something that binds them together. It might be a common interest, sports, work, hobby or something else,” Deacon Bob said, noting that marriage requires something stronger and more lasting. “A marriage demands more than something that circumstances can change, and the only thing that will never change is God himself. A common faith, or at least a common search for the truth, can last forever.”
Deacon Bob referenced the writings of Saint Paul in Ephesians, including the sentiment that the relationship between a husband and wife is an image of Christ and the Church.
“This was eye-opening to me when I really took time to think about what it really means,” said Deacon Bob. “I am called to give myself completely to Shirley in a way that is similar to how Christ gives himself to the Church. When we start out, I think we tend to think of ‘you and me’ together. Later we think more of ‘us.’ It’s a subtle shift in thinking, but important.”
Shirley said that, over time, husbands and wives find ways to complement each other.
“It takes some time to get used to the idea of marriage, but soon enough a couple learns to trust that their spouse will really be there for support,” she said. “When I’m down, Bob helps to lift me up. I try to do the same for him. We support each other in our faith. We always have each other’s back, and that is so comforting and so freeing.”
In their 51 years of marriage, the couple has also learned firsthand how prayer can help navigate conflicts and help them forgive one another.
“Two people can’t live so closely together without sometimes hurting each other,” Shirley shared. “We make a point of asking to be forgiven rather than just saying ‘sorry.’ Sorry might just mean, ‘Sorry I got caught or sorry you found out.’ Forgiveness means putting things right again and healing our relationship in spite of the hurt.”
This year, the couple is organizing a new program through their ministry – Lenten Date Nights.
“We decided that having a weekly date night could be a good Lenten discipline this year,” Deacon Bob said.
Each week, they will present “The Marriage Course,” which will be complemented by a romantic dinner and opportunities for discussions, guided activities and reflections. After the seven sessions that feature the video course, Deacon Bob and Shirley will present a final session capturing what they have learned in the first five decades of their own marriage.
Lenten Date Nights
This eight-week marriage enrichment series aims to strengthen the bond between couples and deepen the spiritual connection within their relationship.
The program takes place at 6 p.m. on Tuesdays, from Feb. 13 to April 2 at Saint Joseph’s Church Hall (606 Shore Road, Somers Point). A donation of $120 per couple includes dinner and the course book. Those with questions can call and leave a message for Deacon Bob at 609-334-6644.
Couples interested in registering for the Lenten Date Nights series can visit stjosephsomerspoint.org/lenten-date-nights.
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