Retiring from a longtime career as an engineering consultant in 2009, then-Willingboro resident Earle Hughes was ready to dive back into Catholic parish life.
“[My job] required me to drive a lot, and I wasn’t involved at my parish,” he said, “I didn’t like that.”
After retiring, Hughes began attending daily Mass at Corpus Christi Parish and became familiar with a group of men who, like him, wanted more connection with their faith.
The group “tried different things that didn’t stick, but our parish priest introduced a new program that we thought was worth trying,” Hughes said.
That program was That Man is You!, a 26-week interactive initiative developed in 2004 and offered by the lay ministry Paradisus Dei. It is designed to help men combat societal pressures and temptations, and help them to become the men God wants them to be for their families, spouses, children and wives.
For 13 weeks in the spring and 13 weeks in the fall, Hughes and the men would gather together for 90-minute evenings of socialization, a DVD presentation on the faith, and a small group discussion.
He was a part of this ministry for six years until 2015, when he and his wife moved permanently to Cape May.
“I missed the men’s discussions and the camaraderie that came with talking about the faith,” he explained.
In September, a month after he arrived in Cape May, he became a founding member of That Man is You! at Our Lady Star of the Sea Parish, and now every Monday night in the spring and fall, he and others learn from each other, the teachings of the Church and wisdom of the saints. Participants attend free of charge, and all discussion materials are posted publicly on the organization’s website.
“We talk about anything related to the Catholic faith – the ups, downs, success, failures – as well as parenting, work, parish involvement, raising our children in the faith. Cape May is a large retirement community, so many of us have grandchildren, and conversations go in that direction,” Hughes said.
Fellow parishioner Joe Scala has been with Hughes and the program since the beginning.
Raising a family in New York’s Hudson Valley, Scala was always involved at his local parish, in areas such as leading baptismal prep or high school youth ministry. After retiring, Scala and his wife relocated to Cape May in 2015, but he didn’t just want “to float through” the rest of his life. Instead, he desired to “engage with and continue learning from others.”
Gathering with other men from 7 to 8:30 p.m. Monday nights at the parish has “made me open myself up to others, while also listening to others’ points of view and experiences.”
The wisdom he gleans from these sessions has also impacted his Sunday Mass experiences, Scala admitted. “I’m more focused and attentive now to what’s happening during the liturgy, listening to what Jesus is telling me and thinking about the spiritual life.”
At Christ the King Parish in Haddonfield, That Man is You! has been going strong since Fall 2021, when Joe McElroy and other men began meeting on Wednesday mornings. Like Hughes, he had experienced the program’s impact somewhere else – in this case, Saint Joan of Arc Parish in Marlton – and brought it over to Haddonfield.
With in-person restrictions lifted after COVID brought the world to a halt, McElroy sees the men’s group as “even more important now in helping to rebuild the life of the Church.”
Pip Gardner, in charge of the Haddonfield ministry’s hospitality committee, makes eggs or brings bagels for the 6:30 a.m. gatherings. The meetings, he said, have a healthy mix of young and older men, all of whom are able to share their diverse backgrounds and experiences.
“I’m discovering that a lot of people are thinking what I’m thinking about, be that getting closer to God or other issues I’m wrestling with,” Gardner said. “Just the fact that I can feel comfortable having these conversations, opening myself up to others, has made me a better man at home and at work. I know my wife sees the positives.”
In Cape May, Hughes and those around him have seen the ministry’s transformation.
“I have become more open about my faith, not only with the men around me, but with my family,” he said. “I’m communicating the faith to my grandchildren, and they’re asking more questions about the Catholic faith. Because of That Man is You!, I’m willing to be more involved, and take responsibility for my faith.”
Hughes and others see much fruit from the ministry, born from a simple desire: “We all want God to very much be a part of our lives.”
For more information on That Man is You!, visit paradisusdei.org/that-man-is-you. For more information on the parish levels, call Our Lady Star of the Sea at 609-884-5312 or Christ the King at 856-429-1600.
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