When I was in high school, we had an assembly. I don’t remember the speaker’s name, but I remember with absolute clarity the three points he made.
“There are three types of love – the first is ‘I love you because …’” He went on to explain that although that sounds nice at first, it is not true love. If a man says to a woman, “I love you because you’re beautiful,” what happens when her looks begin to fade as she gets older or if she’s in a terrible accident? Was that love genuine? Of course not!
The second type of love he mentioned: “I love you if … ” He said, “Some of you girls have heard that one before!” We teenagers chuckled nervously. He didn’t have to explain for us to know what he was referring to and that it was definitely not love at all.
He went onto say, “The third type of love is the only genuine love there is. It is, ‘I love you in spite of.’ It doesn’t sound very nice, but it is true love … it is loving someone even when they’re no longer as beautiful as they once were; it is loving someone enough to respect and honor their ‘no,’ and even loving someone when they have not met our expectations. It is unconditional love.”
I heard that talk more than 30 years ago, and I never forgot it. It’s important to remember that lesson on not only how we give love, but how we receive it, too. God is the only one capable of absolute unconditional love, and we must remind ourselves of that whenever we fall. After all, Saint Paul said, “But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
Isn’t that remarkable? Read it again. Take the time to really let that sink in. God not only tolerates us – He shows His love for us even when we’re still sinning! He doesn’t wait for us to get better before He loves us. Our “good behavior” is not a prerequisite for His love.
That doesn’t mean we have free license to behave the way we want. There has to be a response to that love God is giving us. Our “good behavior” and desire to love Him back is a result of God’s love for us. How? We Christians are called to imitate that love. Jesus tells us, “I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you also should love one another. This is how all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34-35)
The world wants us to believe that on Valentine’s Day, love is about lavish gifts, decadent chocolate, fancy meals, gorgeous roses and romance. There are numerous dictionary definitions of romance – none of which speak of actual love. While it can be fun to express love demonstratively on Valentine’s Day, we need to keep in mind what real love is.
Love is not merely a feeling or an emotion. Love is a verb. To love is to sacrifice … to love is to forgive … to love is to give another chance … to love is to give someone a warm welcome even after they have disappointed you again and again and again. To love is to treat others knowing that everyone we see was created and is loved by God – whether we know that person or not, whether we like that person or not, whether we agree with their political views or religious beliefs or not. Loving God by loving others is to make choices based on that love – not on what may be easier or more pleasant for ourselves.
A litmus test is to ask yourself if you would treat someone the same way if Jesus were in the room. He is in the room, so treat them that way. On the days we fail in love, don’t despair, because Jesus still loves you and is ready to forgive you – so much so, that He died for you!
Sister M. Emily Vincent Rebalsky, IHM, is the program director at Villa Maria by the Sea Retreat Center, Stone Harbor. For more information about retreats at Villa Maria by the Sea, visit VMbytheSea.com. For information about discerning a vocation with the Sisters, Servants of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, Malvern, PA, visit ihmimmaculata.org.
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