An exercise in replacing judgment with love

One day, when working at a parish in a poor neighborhood, I received a phone call.

“Hi, my name is Thomas, and I’m transgender. Do you give out food?”

Perplexed by his announcement, I simply answered his question. “Yes, we do!”

Then we went over the details about where and when he could pick up the food. After I hung up, I asked the secretary, merely curious, “Why do you think he felt the need to mention that he was transgender?”

She answered, “He probably wanted to make sure you wouldn’t slam the door in his face when he got here.” I gasped but sadly realized that he may indeed have had that reaction from people … in churches.

Thomas arrived at the said time. He was very masculine looking with lots of facial and chest hair and spoke with a male voice. He was “dressed to the nines,” wearing a black, sleeveless lace dress, makeup, black high heels and carrying a purse to match. Thomas had told me that his boyfriend was getting out of jail the next day and there was no food in the house. I gave Thomas the food I had put aside for him.

I cannot remember our conversation, but he gave me a big hug to thank me before he left.

I don’t know Thomas’ story or his struggles. I don’t know whether he was transitioning from male to female or female to male. He didn’t offer the information, and I didn’t ask.

I believe in the Catholic Church’s teaching on homosexuality, and I affirm people’s gender at birth was designed by God and is not a mistake. In no way am I suggesting that Thomas’ lifestyle should be celebrated. Clearly, his life was marked with chaos and disorder. However, when I meet people like Thomas, the Parable of the Two Sons comes to mind:

Jesus said, “What is your opinion? A man had two sons. He came to the first and said, ‘Son, go out and work in the vineyard today.’ He said in reply, ‘I will not,’ but afterwards he changed his mind and went. The man came to the other son and gave the same order. He said in reply, ‘Yes, sir,’ but did not go. Which of the two did his father’s will?”

They answered, “The first.” Jesus said to them, “Amen, I say to you, tax collectors and prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God before you. When John came to you in the way of righteousness, you did not believe him; but tax collectors and prostitutes did. Yet even when you saw that, you did not later change your minds and believe him.” (Matthew 21:28-32)

I’m going to ask you to do a very difficult exercise. Write down the sentence Jesus spoke, but remove the words tax collectors and prostitutes and replace those words with a line like this: _______________________ and _______________________ are entering the Kingdom of God before you.

Now, think of any groups (or individual people) that you tend to judge; insert their group or individual names into the blank lines and read the sentence again. That exercise can really shake us up a bit. The idea is not to condemn you, but I think if this was done on a more regular basis, people might work on themselves and their own sins instead of condemning others.

It can also go to opposite ends of the spectrum. For one person, it could read transgenders and liberals. For others, it might read conservatives and police officers. If you read the Scripture passage again, you will see that the tax collectors and prostitutes repented. What if one of the groups I judge are atheists? I may be a Catholic sister who prays, attends daily Mass and offers retreats; but if I hold hatred in my heart and ignore the poor, when I die, I can expect a far more severe judgment than a nearly lifelong atheist who repented before his death and had begun to live a life of love for God.

So, what is the message from all this? I am called to love those on the margins in such a way that I welcome instead of judge them. That welcoming love may attract them to love God, too.

I must also listen to God’s Word and act upon it; taking a good, honest, prayerful look at myself daily – and if there is anything that is not of God, then I need to repent. That way, I can be confident that through Jesus’ Death on the Cross, He will welcome me and those others that I may be surprised but happy to see in His Heavenly Kingdom.

Sister M. Emily Vincent Rebalsky, IHM, is the program director at Villa Maria by the Sea Retreat Center, Stone Harbor. For more information about retreats at Villa Maria by the Sea, visit VMbytheSea.com. For information about discerning a vocation with the Sisters, Servants of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, Malvern, PA, visit ihmimmaculata.org.